Shifting My Focus

Another season has ended.

My JV girls had a wonderful year, and ended last night in the district championship finishing 2nd. I'm so proud of what they've done. This is a team that 2 years ago only won 2 games. They finish this year 21-4 with a trophy. Hard work and committment pays off.

So this morning, I cry on and off again. :) I'm just like that. When a hard, stressful season is done, I sit and cry. The strength that carried me through is all used up, and I decompress. No sadness, just "done-ness".

But, I'm not totally done. Now it's the varsity's turn.

With all of my focus on them, we play today, then start our district tournament on Tuesday. I'm believing for big things. For favor, for fast feet, for shots to fall, and for unity among the team and their parents. That last thing is the biggest of all.

Along the way, God is teaching and showing and working. I have to admit that it concerns me that I can't feel Him, but I take comfort in the fact that He's there anyway, and He is moving. There have been lessons taught to these girls that I never thought that I'd teach to anyone their age. :) But what's so neat is that they are open to it!

And that is what my coaching is all about.

To God Be The Glory, great things He has done!

A New Year

Welcome 2010!

So far, it's been good: redo-ing the closet and hanging with old and new friends. I certainly hope this is a sign of things to come.

It's time to laugh. It's time to succeed. It's time to expect more and it's more than time to stand up for myself.

I hope all this for you, too!! :)

My Christmas Presents

Today, one of my kids in my class was talking about his maids. He asked me if I wanted his nanna to send her maids over to my house. I jokingly said, "Yeah! For Christmas, tell your nanna to send your maids over! That would be great!"

The next kid told me he was going to send me a psychiatrist.

Good grief!!

Split Up

What is the definition of a church split? I'm not sure I know, but what has happened in my life lately is certainly a break-up of what was once together.

I do not write this to blame anyone, to condemn, or glorify; only to put down my thoughts on my own .com.

I used to love a good conflict. Now that I've grown a bit, I can't say that I desire it. Actually, I am trying to live at peace with all of my brothers and sisters. I'm finding out how hard that is, and that it even brings its own sort of conflict within me.

My heart is still heavy. I will never know all the ins and outs of what has happened, and why it happened. I'm trying to reconcile myself to that. I'm trying to put it all behind me, and go on with what is still with me, while walking toward what is in front of me.

I'm studying the life of David with my Junior Bible class. We've said good-bye to Saul and Jonathan, and are now saying hello to King David and Joab, and Abner and Ish-Bosheth, and violence among what is supposed to be a nation of God's chosen people.

In the Old Testament, Abner, commander of Saul's army, kills Asahel, David's nephew, while crowning Ish-Bosheth, Saul's son, king. Asahel's brother, Joab, kills Abner out of revenge for his brother's murder after pledging allegience to David. Power struggle after power struggle brings death to someone in the camp. Ish-Bosheth is eventually murdered by two men from the tribe of Bejamin.

And King David laments at it all.

And then the real questions are asked: how does God view all this fighting between his children? What is His opinion? When do we put down our need to be right, or at the top, and pick up His will for us as a whole?

No, I will not physically murder my brothers and sister in Christ, but do I try and wound them with scriptures that supposedly "prove" I am right? Use the spiritual weapon God has given me for "friendly-fire" instead of aiming it at my real enemy?

I could point my finger and tell God about a few who have. But then, the comeback "but you've got three fingers pointing right back at you" comes to mind. Oh, how that hurts me to know that we've used the most powerful weapon of all against our own brothers and sisters as we are fighting the same enemy of our souls.

God, forgive us all.

A Word of Encouragement

Got this from a student who had an assignment from another class. Hmmm.....

A little encouragement!

Psalm 139:7-10
"Where can I go from your Spirit? or where can I flee from your presence? If I ascend into heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in
hell, behold you are there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell
in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your
right hand shall hold me."

This verse lets us know that we are never alone. God is with us, and he is watching over us. No matter how far we try to run,
he will be there with us. The reason he is always with us is because he
loves us and he wants to take care of us. God loves you and he will never
leave you no matter what.

Without Faith...

...it is impossible to please God." (Heb 11:6)

Ironic that I should have to come teach a bible class on faith all this week.

So, even if I do obey, if I do it without faith, I'm still not pleasing God. Sigh.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for." (Heb 11:1-2)

What do I have faith for? That the method will work? Oh, I believe that. Too many people have proven this method works.

That I'll be allowed to be the adult I've grown to be? That I'll be granted the freedom I so desperately want?


"I cry aloud to the Lord;
I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy.
I pour out my complaint before him;
before him I tell my trouble.

When my spirit grows faint within me,
it is you who know my way...

Listen to my cry,
for I am in desperate need;
rescue me from those who pursue me,
for they are too strong for me.
Set me free from my prison,
that I may praise your name."
Psalm 142:1-3,6-7

Walking Death

I'm still trying to understand why I'm having to go through this. How can things be any better on the other side? And will they really ever change?

Perhaps the truth is, I've been in this cycle so long that I don't know any other way. I don't know how to live without this in my life. And, I don't believe that God will change life for me.

I have wants, desires, dreams. In the last 2 weeks, the hope that somehow these things would one day come to be has died. Just. died.

This morning, in church, I sang "Oh, the wonderful cross, Oh the wonderful cross, Bids me come and die, and find that I may truly live" and all I could think was, "yeah, I'm dead alright. So this is truly living? No thank you."

This can't be living. And this cannot be what I'm receiving in exchange for my oh-I'll-do-it-alright-through-clenched-teeth-and-not-likin'-it obedience.

No, THIS is what doing what I have to do feels like.